Mornings of Mist
by Vaughn's Jenn
Summary: ~*~ COMPLETE ~*~ SD-6 is gone and Syd has a loving husband, family, and a house on the beach. But when Michael Vaughn reenters her life, everything changes.
1. Sunrise

Mornings of Mist  
  
1.  
  
Well, she finally did it. She finally had everything she could possibly want. A doting husband, a tassel of children, a beautiful home overlooking the ocean, a steady job. . . why the hell was she so unhappy?  
  
Wow, that was a rhetorical question wasn't it? The answer was obvious. No. No, she reminded herself. She WAS happy. She IS happy. She doesn't have anything to complain about. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her life. Everything is in place, everything is safe, and everything is normal. People would kill to have her life. They would kill.  
  
The sun is slowly rising over the ocean; a sight that always filled Sydney's heart with wonder. Watching the sky brighten from its dark hues of blue and purple to pinks and oranges always seemed amazing to her. Painted by a power that no one could see or control. It was a beauty that never grew old. She sighed and cupped her coffee mug. Slowly taking a sip, she closed her eyes, just to feel everything around her.  
  
The sand was cool and soft under her, the ocean's waves rolled out towards her, softly murmuring secret sounds that she couldn't even begin to understand. She should've been happy. She should have been overjoyed at this sight, at this life.  
  
She did, after all, have the perfect family life. Her husband was kind, smart, funny, and handsome. Her kids were all talented and loved her. Her job was fulfilling and the students liked her. Her house was absolutely beautiful, having the power to make her get up to watch the sunrise every morning. But much as she loved it, she hated it.  
  
A slow tear rolled down her cheek and splashed into her coffee cup. There was another reason she woke herself up this early in the morning she knew. Something other than the majesty of the sunrise.  
  
Michael Vaughn.  
  
It was only during this time of the day that she could think about him, dwell on the past and regret past mistakes. This moment when night mixed with day in a flurry of confusion as to which it was. This time that almost seemed not to exist. If only.  
  
If only.  
  
A soft breeze picks up her hair and blows it behind her, blowing away her tears, making her feel as if she is flying. It is only during the early hours of the morning that she can stop thinking about her children, her husband, and her students. When the only thing she can remember is her past life. And the only thing she sees when she looks out into the ocean is the desire for death.  
  
She would never kill herself of course. But the death of this life. . . to be born again with the one she truly wanted. . .  
  
She wouldn't let herself think that. She steeled her mind. I am happy, I am happy, I am happy. . . the mantra rolled around and around in her head.  
  
She felt a hand come on her shoulder and she looked up, knowing who it was.  
  
"God Sweetie, I don't know how you do it. How do you stay up until one or two in the morning and then manage to wake up at five just to watch the sun? And you never get tired." He puts a hand on her cheek and she smiles at him, though it is one of fondness and not one of love. "It's just the sun."  
  
She gestures outwards. "Just the sun? You call this JUST the sun? I think it's absolutely amazing. I think it is the most beautiful painting to ever be created. It's different every day. And if I never get tired, that's just an added bonus and you shouldn't trouble yourself with it." She didn't mean to snap at him. But he was intruding on her time. Her only time to be alone and think.  
  
But he merely chuckled. "All right, I know when you are feeling stubborn. I just wanted to let you know that waking up in a cold bed isn't exactly the best start to the morning. I like waking up and having you next to me."  
  
Sydney wasn't immune to his romantic side and she smiled and kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry honey; but look at this. This is what I get up for. I just can't tear myself away from this. It's like being reborn."  
  
He looked at her, love shining in his eyes. "You really are amazing. But why would you want to be reborn unless you weren't happy with the life you have?"  
  
She shrugged and looked down. "I don't know. It just feels like starting clean. The time to recollect my thoughts and get ready for the day." She let him pull her up and walk her back towards the house.  
  
"The only thought I need to remember is you. You start my day. I love you." He smiles at her and takes her hand in his.  
  
Sydney stays silent.  
  
"I'll fix you your coffee; why don't you wake the kids?" Her husband nods and leaves the kitchen. She turns on the water and, when it is warm enough, sticks her hands into it and washes them; washes off the salt of the ocean, the smell of the wind, the beauty of the sunset. Washes away the thoughts of Vaughn. She splashes the water on her face. Its nearly scalding now and burns her skin after the numbing feeling the cold breeze had. But it feels good to be punished. She has to wake up. It's a new day.  
  
And when her family comes into the kitchen, she is all smiles.  
  
"Now there is the Sydney we love to see. You just always seem so moody in the morning," He winks at her and kisses her forehead.  
  
"Good morning, mommy!" Her daughter squeezes her hand and looks at her with delight.  
  
Sydney can't help but smile and laugh back at her. Her daughter is truly a work of art, as beautiful as the sunrise. She is the meaning in her life. What she lives for. "Good morning Sweetie. Wow, you woke up early today, it's not even six yet!"  
  
Her husband looks at her, confused. "Syd. . . you told me to wake her up. Matthew wasn't ready yet so I gave him ten more minutes."  
  
She raises her eyebrow and tucks her hair behind her hair with a confused expression on her face. "Oh, did I? I must've been thinking about something else." She redirects her attention to her daughter. "Did you want to help me cook, Arianne?"  
  
Her daughter nods. She is too young to ever hate her mother and is delighted to be old enough to help. Sydney gives her the eggs and tells her to crack them into the bowl.  
  
Arianne does it carefully, scared that she will make a mistake and ruin everything. Sydney smiles at the studious look on her face and turns to pour the milk. She feels her husband's arms snake around her waist and his head resting on her shoulder. "It's times like these that I wish our children would disappear for an hour or two. You're right. The sunrise is beautiful but it wanes in comparison to you. You are stunning." He plants a kiss on her neck.  
  
She turns and smiles, smacking him playfully. "Don't ever wish our children away, they mean too much to me."  
  
He smiles back but is hurt that she doesn't agree. She puts her hands on his shoulders. "Now don't give me that look. Of course I want that too but I'm a mother and motherly love is way too strong to just cast aside."  
  
"Well of course I didn't really mean it," he says in hasty explanation. He picks up his daughter and swings her around the air. "I didn't mean it, did I honey? I love you sooo much; don't you ever grow up and bring boys into this house."  
  
Sydney laughs. Her husband is good with children. Arianne is laughing too and she wraps her arms around her father's neck. "He didn't mean it mommy, he was just kidding."  
  
"I know, I know. I guess I'm just slower than all of you to figure things out." She puts the dishtowel on the rack and starts to fry the eggs.  
  
"Why don't you set the table, Arianne and then give everybody their milk?" Her husband sets Arianne down on the floor and she immediately attends to her task.  
  
"I'll get Matthew," he says.  
  
"Thank you honey." She sounds weary. Like her life is heavy and slipping away. But she will be rejuvenated soon enough. She always is. She looks around her, reminding herself of what she has. Her eyes linger on a picture hanging over the doorway. A family portrait from 4 years ago. Everyone is happy, healthy, and young. But is it just her or does the Sydney in the picture have a slightly wistful expression while looking at her husband? Like she would rather be with someone else?  
  
No. She shakes her head. There is nowhere else I would rather be and no one else I would rather have. And for a minute, she believes herself.  
  
(review as always~) Jenn  
  
I know~ how dare I start another one with so many unfinished? Well. . . I guess my only explanation is that the ideas come and if don't write them, who will? Besides, I'm not exactly neglecting my other ones. . . some are just paid attention to more than others. . . but hey, I think I'm pretty consistent.  
  
REVIEW and tell me what you think~ (even if you think I should rewrite or just axe the whole thing~) 


	2. Surprise Sighting

2.  
  
She sits at her desk, grading papers. She marks something or scribbles a few words every couple of seconds, her eyes scanning the page quickly though she is able to take everything in. She is one of the most prized of teachers because of her efficiency. And her youth didn't lower her ranking either, especially in the eyes of her male students.  
  
"Mrs. Marshall?" She hears the voice and looks up. It's Joey, her best student. Smart, handsome, athletic, and funny, he is one of the most well rounded people she knows. But she knows that she also has a particular attachment to him for another reason. With his dirty blonde hair and green eyes, she can't help but feel as if she is speaking to the Vaughn of 12 years ago.  
  
"Yes Joey?"  
  
"I was wondering if you could help me understand this stanza. . . " He keeps on talking and Sydney watches his lips move, knowing and understanding his words even though her mind is already far away.  
  
~ Flashback~  
  
"I absolutely love this stanza, Syd. I don't know why, I'm not exactly into poetry. . . I don't know. The words just seem so perfect." He looks at her, eyes darkening slightly with emotion as he gazes into her eyes.  
  
She smiles at him, unsure of what to say. She looks at the book in his hands and scans the words. He's right. "You're right. It is beautiful."  
  
"It's not even that the words are anything special. I guess it's just life in general and how everything is put together. It makes me believe that there is someone for everyone."  
  
"I never thought that you would have trouble believing that, Vaughn. You always made me feel as if there was always someone on my side. Remember what you said to me?" She looks into his eyes, willing him to remember. "It was so beautiful. I know you didn't plan it or anything and it wasn't truly remarkable by itself but it stayed with me. And when I got home, I wrote it down and I read it about five times. And every time I read it, it became more and more beautiful until I finally cried."  
  
He looks above her, outside the doorway at the darkening sky. "I remember. You felt like no one understood. And that you were alone in all you did.  
  
"And I said, 'You might feel alone in all this. Like you don't have an ally. -'"  
  
Sydney joined him, closing her eyes softly, "'I'm your ally. Never question that.'"  
  
She sighed and opened her eyes. "Thank you."  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "For saying that to you?"  
  
"Well, yes. And for really being there. Through everything. You really are my guardian angel." She stepped up to him and gave him a peck on the cheek. She turned to go but felt the warmth of his hand on her arm, pulling her back.  
  
"Sydney. . ." There was a slight look of wonderment in his eyes before he kissed her. It was soft, gentle, completely unexpected for the both of them. It was perfect. Outside she heard the rain as it hit the roof of the warehouse and it seemed like music; the soundtrack to the most beautiful love story of all time.  
  
"Sydney, don't go. I don't want to lose you." He murmured through his kiss. His fingers combed through her hair, running it through his fingers and bringing out its scent to his senses.  
  
She shut up him up by kissing him again, putting her hands inside his suit and letting her fingers run over his perfect stomach.  
  
Then the kiss ended and she wrapped her arms around him and lay her head on his chest, completely encircled by his arms.  
  
~End Flashback~  
  
She shook her head slightly, ridding herself from the trance of the memory and found that she was still talking. ". . . So by using these words in this specific order, the author manages to get across this message that would never have been seen if it had been paraphrased. Do you understand?"  
  
He smiled at her, nearly stopping her heart. No, she wasn't having feelings for him. She wasn't the type of teacher who got her name in headlines by lusting after her students. She just liked the idea of him; cherished the essence of someone else that she found in him. "Completely. You have a way with words Mrs. Marshall. I have never been so sure of anything else I've learned. I don't even understand how I didn't get it in the first place."  
  
She smiled at him and then went back to grading her papers. She heard him walk out of the room.  
  
Making sure she was alone, she took out her keys and unlocked her drawer, the second from the top. She expertly shuffled through the papers, knowing exactly where it would be.  
  
The paper was aged, soft to the touch, and ripping where the folds have been refolded over and over. Tears sprang to her eyes as she read the familiar words, written in the handwriting she had memorized over the past years.  
  
"Sydney,  
  
I know why you left and I know we agreed on it. I just suppose that I didn't think it would hurt this much. It's only been about twenty minutes since you left but it feels like fifty years. I know that I can't communicate with you any longer and the reasons behind that are just.  
  
I just. . . I don't mean to put regret into your heart but I have to ask. Did we do the right thing?  
  
Maybe we did. But it just feels so wrong not to see you every day or hold you in my arms or have you cry on my shoulder. It feels like I'm only half alive. We weren't together for a long time but I suppose that in the months that we have been, you have already managed to take a piece of my heart.  
  
And I'm worried. If I miss you so much already, what am I going to be like a year from now? A month? A day even. I already feel like hitting the "pub"- "  
  
Sydney smiled slightly. He always knew how to cheer her up or make her laugh.  
  
"but I'll restrain myself. I wouldn't want to become some roaring drunk.  
  
You're probably finding this and reading it on the plane. I know I said that you've been gone twenty minutes but that's actually how long you've been in the shower, which is when I'm actually writing this. Here you are, two rooms away and I already miss you. But the same feelings will still apply.  
  
So I just wanted to let you know that I will miss you and love you. I hope that you find you "safe" love and whatever else you are looking for. Just don't forget me.  
  
Yours,  
  
Vaughn."  
  
She refolded the letter and put it back in the middle of the pile of papers in the drawer and locked it. She looked at the pictures on her desk.  
  
She was happy after all. Though the love she had with Patrick wasn't as intense as the one she had had with Vaughn, she didn't have to look behind her every time she went somewhere with him.  
  
She could hold hands with him without worrying that someone might find out that he was a CIA agent. Which he wasn't. She didn't have to feel trapped or inhibited. Patrick Marshall was smiling on her desk. With dark brown hair, kind eyes, and a ready laugh, he was handsome. He possessed all the qualities she cherished and then some. She smiled. He was such a good father. And an attentive husband. And he loved her. That was the important thing.  
  
With that, she had made herself happy; eager to go home and see her family. Ready to make dinner for all of them and talk about their days. Just like a normal family. She packed the rest of her papers and walked to the front of the classroom. Looking back to make sure everything was in order, she turned out the lights and walked outside.  
  
~::~  
  
"Honey, I'm home!" Her voice rang out jokingly as she laughed. Her life was so unbelievably normal. No more guns, no more running from secret enemies of the night.  
  
Her breath caught in her throat as she took in the sight. The lights were dim, candles were lit, and two very good-looking plates of food stood steaming on the table. It smelled delicious. She giggled as she felt a pair of hands cover her eyes. "Hello Patrick."  
  
He turned her around and smiled into her face. "How did you know?"  
  
She gestured at the table. "I think this all gave it away."  
  
"So I wouldn't make such a good spy? Is that what you're saying?"  
  
She smiled. Exactly. But she just laughed at him. "Where are the kids?"  
  
"Oh. . . I sent them to their friend's houses. I wanted some time with you." He touched her cheek and then kissed her softly.  
  
She leaned into it, pressing herself against him until he broke away. "I think we should eat first," he said to her, winking.  
  
She sighed and took a seat.  
  
~::~  
  
They lay in bed, watching TV.  
  
"Well. . . that was a good dinner," she said.  
  
He laughed. "Not exactly my favorite part of tonight but I'll take it."  
  
She swatted him playfully and rested her head on his shoulder. The news was on, some journalist was going on and on about the weather in Chicago. He made her think of Will suddenly. She wondered how he was doing. The CIA thing hadn't worked out she knew. She could have predicted that. As a researcher, he was impeccable. But as a double agent. . . he wasn't exactly what they were looking for. Will was too trusting. Too ready to talk. But she sighed softly. She did miss her friends.  
  
And then she gasped. Was that really. . . ? "Vaughn?" She whispered.  
  
Patrick looked at her, "What was that, sweetie?"  
  
She covered hastily. "No. . . nothing. I thought he looked familiar but he's someone else?"  
  
He grinned at her. "Someone I should be jealous about?"  
  
Sydney smiled at him. "No, no one." And then she focused on the TV. So Vaughn had left the business.  
  
TBC.  
  
You guys. . . I know I should have thought things through before I started writing but I actually have no idea what I'm doing. I don't want her to just leave her family and go flying into Vaughn's arms because that would be soooo unrealistic and I want her family life to be happy but not completely fulfilling but I also do want her to end up with Vaughn but I can't kill off her family or something. . . Anyway. . . I don't know what I'm doing so just bear with me. . . It might end up with a "Bridges of Madison County" ending but don't quote me on that (who would quote me on anything anyway?) Agh~ I'm so unsure but I can't just erase the story. . . blah. (Yes, I am a teenager and I probably am all hormone-y right now. . . ) Ok, I'll let you go. Review as always (give me ADVICE AS TO WHAT I SHOULD DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!) ~Jenn P.S. Don't worry. . . I am not this disorganized with my other stories. . . 


	3. Remembering You

3.  
  
(There is a pretty important note at the end of the chapter so read it~ yay)  
  
So she woke up the next morning and the morning after that. And she was happy and with her family and her students and everything that was important to her.  
  
And completely forgot about seeing Vaughn on television. Except when she didn't. Which was every minute of every day. His eyes haunted her, their brilliant green boring into her eyes, looking into her soul. His smile stayed with her, his happiness and laughter echoing in her mind and reminding her every day that she had loved him. Still did love him.  
  
Sydney tucked her hair behind her ear. No. I don't love him anymore. I did love him but not now. How could I love him when my whole family is here? My daughter loves me and my son loves me and Patrick loves me. And I love-  
  
Vaughn.  
  
She sat down heavily at her desk, missing Vaughn. Forgetting for a moment why she left. And as if her body could understand her thoughts, she did remember.  
  
~:~ Flashback ~:~  
  
"Sydney, don't do this."  
  
"I have to. Vaughn, listen to me. I can't be happy like this. I can't live like this. Looking behind my shoulder every time we go out. No. I can't do it."  
  
"Please Sydney. Do it for me. Do it for us." Vaughn's eyes pleaded with her.  
  
Sydney felt her own eyes tearing and looked down at the floor. "I can't. Vaughn, if you love me, let me go."  
  
"Damn it Sydney, don't say that to me! You KNOW I love you. You know I love you more than anything. Don't manipulate me like that. I could do it to you too. I could tell you that if you loved me you would stay." Michael looked frantic. "Sydney, what we have. . . it's just too special. How can you throw it away? Please Sydney."  
  
"I tried," she said, finally breaking down and sliding to the floor. "I tried so hard Michael. But I'm not as strong as you. I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of being scared to say my name. I'm tired of not being able to hold your hand outside or pretend I just met you and you asked me for a date. I tried and I can't do it."  
  
It was as if his whole body sagged. "All right. All right.  
  
"Go."  
  
He sat down next to her and laid his head to his knees.  
  
Sydney hugged him to her, still crying. "Thank you Michael. Thank you so much. I love you. I do love you. I'll love you forever. I just need something else."  
  
Vaughn lifted his head and looked at her. "You mean someone else."  
  
She was silent.  
  
~:~ End Flashback ~:~  
  
She felt the tear slide down her cheek and quickly wiped it away and posted the test scores on the bulletin board.  
  
~:~ Flashback ~:~  
  
"Good bye Sydney."  
  
"Bye Michael."  
  
"You can always come back. You can always come back to me. I promise. I'll wait for you."  
  
She shook her head, pushing down the tears. "Don't do that. Don't say that. Don't say that to me. You're going to find someone else. And you are going to love her; don't stop yourself for me."  
  
"I'm not stopping myself for you. I'm stopping myself for me. I love you so much Sydney that you can't even begin to understand. You're the one who is leaving. You're the one who has made her peace about leaving the love of her life behind. And I'm the one being abandoned. Do you really think that I could fall in love with someone else knowing that you are out there somewhere? Do you think that I would ever be happy that way?"  
  
"Yes. I think you could. You are so perfect Vaughn. There are a million women who would love you as much as I did. Do."  
  
"But I wouldn't love them back. You're the only one for me."  
  
"No I'm not. You'll find someone. I'll find someone. And even if I don't, I won't come back. Because you can't stop love. And if you do fall in love again, I don't want to come back and find out that you are married and happy. And that it was my fault that I gave you up."  
  
Michael looked at her, debating whether to ask her one more time to stay or not. But he didn't. He swallowed and nodded. Sydney turned to go even though she saw the pleading in his eyes. "Someone is going to fall madly in love with you Sydney. And you will have the perfect life. But it's not going to be the simple love that you want. It will be safe but you will feel exactly what I'm talking about. You're going to be happy and have a family. But you will always remember me. I love you Sydney. That's why I'm letting you leave. But you think that this will make you happy and the difference between us is that I'm willing to try. Happiness takes effort. And I'm not going to torture myself or any other woman by pretending to love someone I don't. It's not right. And it's not fair."  
  
Sydney stopped herself from turning back. She walked into the terminal and into the airplane. Michael was wrong. She could find love again. She would find it.  
  
~:~ End Flashback ~:~  
  
Sydney lay her head on her desk, watching the tears fall and land on the wooden surface of the desk. Michael was right.  
  
She wasn't happy. She could be happy but she wasn't. Because Michael was out there somewhere loving her.  
  
No. She couldn't leave. Like it or not it had been her decision to leave and she was warned about the consequences. These were the consequences. She couldn't leave her family. They were HER family.  
  
No more abandonment.  
  
At the sound of footsteps, she quickly wiped her eyes and raised her head. And looked into bright green eyes.  
  
Review~  
  
IMPORTANT NOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Okay, I know what I'm doing now. . . MANY THANKS TO NANCY who definitely saved my butt on this one. Let me just tell you know that this story will end realistically but after the "last" chapter, there will be one more for all the shipper people. . . It's not an alternate ending but it's definitely an addition to the ending which will make the people who are desperately S/V happy and which will make sense overall.  
  
So if you are a reader who is more realistic, stop at the last chapter (I'll warn you guys again) and if you are a die-hard shipper, read the chapter and the one after it. Okay, thanks for reading~  
  
-Jenn 


	4. A Jarring Interview

4.  
  
No more abandonment.  
  
At the sound of footsteps, she quickly wiped her eyes and raised her head. And looked into bright green eyes.  
  
******************************  
  
"Hey Joey," she said tiredly.  
  
"Hi Mrs. Marshall, I was wondering if you could help me with-" He stopped, suddenly noticing her red eyes and the tear stains on her face. "Are you all right?"  
  
She wiped her eyes and nodded. "I'm fine. What can I help you with?"  
  
~:~  
  
The day was over. It had been long; one of the longer days of her life partially because of all the memories she had been bombarded with today.  
  
But she managed to convince herself that they didn't matter as much as she thought; that she had only been remembering because she had seen Vaughn on television the night before.  
  
She had always expected him to be some sort of lawyer or even, like her, a professor. Yet he was now in show business? Though being a presenter for the news was hardly glitzy or glamorous. Well, she supposed, it just showed you how well you knew people.  
  
She walked into the teacher's lounge and was surprised to see a group of teachers crowded around the small television. "What are you guys still doing here? It's after five! I know you guys aren't as wacked up as I am so I really have no idea as to why you aren't at home with your respective families."  
  
One turned around, Sue Brown, one of her closest friends. "Shh, that gorgeous presenter is doing an interview."  
  
That's when she noticed that all the teachers were female. She got a look at the screen and saw that it was Vaughn. She gasped a little, not expecting to see him and heard Sue giggle. "I knew you would like him. He seemed like the type of man you would go for. He is gorgeous isn't he?"  
  
Sydney nodded and sank down into the couch, watching the interview with the rest of the entourage; mesmerized by the image of his face on the television.  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are now back with the hot new news presenter Michael Williams. Now Michael, what do you think about the impact that you have had, especially on the female audience?"  
  
The smiling Vaughn laughed. "I didn't know that I had one."  
  
The host turned to the audience, smiling. "Do you see how humble this man is? How charming!"  
  
Sydney saw Vaughn blush. It was a good thing he wasn't anything more than a presenter; he was too humble to be a successful actor. But then again, maybe he could. After all, his shyness was endearing. She shook her head free; not wanting to think. She just wanted to see him and hear his voice again.  
  
"So Michael. . . you are 36 years old correct?"  
  
A nod.  
  
"Well, then, tell me. Why are you single? I mean, if a guy with looks like yours can't get a woman, what kind of hope is there for me?"  
  
Sydney grinned a little at the banter but stopped when she saw Vaughn looking at the screen. It felt like he was directly looking into her eyes and she almost didn't hear the sighs of the teachers around her she was so swept up by his guys.  
  
He picked his next words carefully.  
  
"Well, the truth is, I am in love."  
  
There were groans from both the TV audience and the women around her. Sydney felt her heart falling at the same time she was wondering if he was still talking about. . .  
  
"Really? And pray, who is the lovely lady who has your attentions?"  
  
"I couldn't tell you. She's more like a love lost. I knew her 12 years ago and she. . . well, she left me."  
  
"12 years. . . wow. That's a long time without any other women, Mr. Williams. So. . . no rebound women? No flings? 12 years. . . wow, I can't believe I've had more sex that you have in the last decade."  
  
Michael chuckled a little. "Let's just say that I'm a man who loves deeply. And she didn't leave me because she didn't love me. There were. . . I know it sounds corny, but there were forces out of our control. I sort of promised her that I wouldn't love anyone else."  
  
The host raised his eyebrows. "Why would you promise that if she were leaving you? Surely she didn't promise any such thing to you?"  
  
Michael's face took on a slightly wistful expression. "You would promise her the same thing if you knew her. Even if I hadn't promised her that, I wouldn't have been able to love anyone else. You don't understand how amazing she was. Is. And even though she's not with me anymore, I can't love anyone else knowing that she is out there somewhere. She's the best thing that every happened to me."  
  
There was a round of "awws" from both audiences and Sydney heard Sue mutter, "Who the hell would ever leave that hunk of a man?"  
  
And that's when she realized she couldn't remember why she did it. And felt the tears running down her face again.  
  
TBC~  
  
Review!!!  
  
-Jenn 


	5. Lola from Virginia

Sorry it took so long but I was stuck on "Sweetness" for awhile. So here it is:

Oh, by the way, for those who wanted the list of my fics and are too lazy to click the "Jennifer", I will be magnanimous and list them for you :) (How bored am I?)

(1) An Undefinable Sweetness (32/?)

(2) A Familiar Stranger (10/10) 

(3) With My Dying Breath (13/15)

(4) Far From Home (5/?)

(5) Vivian Heights (2/?)

(6) An Intercepted Message (1/1)

(7) Final Words to You my Love (1/1)

(8) The Watch (1/1)

(9) The Whole Truth (8/-)

(10) Mornings of Mist (5/?)

(11) Through the Darkness (1/?)

(12) Find Me (8/?)

(13) A Forbidden Affair (1/?)

5.

She got up and walked out of the room, ignoring the sounds of surprise and protest coming from the couch.

Glad that she had worn her hair down, she hid behind it as she closed the door behind her and slumped against the wall for a moment, alone once more in the hallways.

She wiped away the sliding tears from her cheeks and got up, straightening her skirt. It was over. The past.   
  
There was no use crying about it, especially since it had been her choice. This had been the reason she hadn't wanted him to find another woman. Yet knowing that he still loved her seemed to be almost as painful. She felt like she had cheated on him.

Sydney cleared her throat a little and got ready to go home, to go back to her life and forget Michael Vaughn. Or Michael Williams as he was now known.

She _was_ ready to go home; she was going home, her bag slung across her shoulder and her breathing normal until she passed the payphone. And felt the almost magnetic force compelling her eyes first and then her hand. Hesitating for only a second, she stopped in front of it and listened to the energy inside her that urged her to take it. 

Biting her lip, she lifted the receiver and got ready to press the numbers that had flashed across the television screen. Her finger hovered over the 1 before pressing gently. And it was all a blur from there. Until she heard a voice speaking into her ear as she trembled.

_What are you doing? This is what you wanted. This is the life you have always dreamed of. Just hang up the phone now. No one has to know._

"And we have a caller from Virginia. Who is this?"

"Lo- Lola."

The man on the line laughed. "Well Lola from Virginia, what would you like to say to our guest today?"

"Only that..." Her voice cracked slightly. "Only that I'm sorry. Michael, I'm so sorry."

There was a pause. A long pause. And then she heard his voice. The first time in 12 years that he was speaking to her. God she missed the sounds of it, the way that it always seemed to send shivers down her spine. 

"I-I'm sorry...? Is- Lola?" His voice seemed incredulous, out of breath, full of wonder and pain and happiness all at once, blended into some impossible bittersweet confection.

She heard the question in his voice and closed her eyes, envisioning him standing in front of her. "Yes. Lola."

~:~

_He smiled at her, stroking her hair as he kissed her forehead. "Lola."_

_She looked at him, "Excuse me?"_

_Michael laughed at her expression. "You're my little Lola. Red haired girl on a mission, always running but having love as the constant in her life..."_

_Sydney grinned and kissed him back. "Good, I thought you were calling to another woman."_

_His eyes twinkled. "There's no one named Lola. There could never be another woman; you're all I can handle Sydney Bristow."_

_~:~_

The host's booming voice forced herself out of her reverie. "Lola from Virginia, do you know Mr. Williams?"

She shook her head, "I-I'm sorry, this was a mistake I have to go." She slammed the receiver back down and walked away quickly, hearing the sudden voices of protest that erupted from the television and the sound of Michael's own voice saying "Wait!"

_No, I can't wait. I'm sorry Michael. The time for waiting is already over._

~:~

Michael Williams was unsettled; for the first time in his life, he had found a career that he didn't have to hide, one that instead thrust him out into the open. He had gotten used to the screaming and the shouts of women, had even gotten used to the fact that people from places everywhere were calling him, asking for interviews, pictures, autographs...

His life was so busy now. He had almost forgotten about Sydney Bristow.

The fish that got away.

There was always that part of him that held all his desolation no matter where he was and what he was doing. But somehow, he had always managed to suppress it.

Not now. Now it came bursting, breaking out the barricades of the heart and filling him with a scary energy. And suddenly, he was not himself. He was a man who was desperately in love, a love that had endured over a decade and now longed to be recognized once more.

He picked up the hotel phone, "Hello? Operator? Is there a listing for a Sydney Bristow in Virginia?"

"Hold please."

There was a pause that seemed like eternity and Michael started tapping his foot on the cold marble floor.

"No, I'm sorry. There are no Sydney Bristows in Virginia."

He wanted to ask if there was a Lola, but he didn't have a last name and that kind of request would be stupid. 

His heart dropped. Sydney wouldn't change her first name; it carried her identity. She had told him so 12 years ago. She had told him that now that she had her life back, she would never let go of it again.

...And that the only way she would ever be anyone different would have to involve some legal ceremony...

_Like marriage_. Vaughn felt his entire being fill with worry and hung up the phone abstractedly. Of course she would be married. She had always wanted a family, always wanted to be able to give other people the kind of security that had been lacking in her own life. 

But the reality of it had never actually hit him. He had spent so much time dealing with the loss of Sydney Bristow that he hadn't even entertained that thought that someone else might have possession of her now.

Not that Sydney Bristow could ever truly be possessed.

Whose name could she be carrying now?

~:~

He didn't know what to call the feeling that gripped him. Obsession maybe? He wasn't sure, all he was aware of now was the fact that he was looking at the directory of all the schools in Virginia, looking vainly for teachers.

Teachers named Sydney.

He would have been able to stop himself but _she _had made the connection She had called HIM and he would be damned if he didn't at least find out why.

If there was a shred of a chance that she could still love him...

_But what if she had children?_ The thought stalled his fingers.

Finding Sydney... Winning her back... Was it worth the cost?

To take her away from her family as brutally as her own mother had been taken from her? And that knowledge... the knowledge that if she had a family... Oh God... could he give her up again?

He couldn't place him own interests in front of her family. He loved her. And he had loved her enough to let her go.

But was he strong enough to do it again? And was she strong enough to deny him once more?

They had been in love. He was sure of that; each had found their missing halves in the other, had been completely lost and engrossed in the fact that the perfect person was standing right there... 

And the love had been broken, challenged, and defeated.

He was about to stop, about to turn his computer off and focus on his career and his upcoming interview. But he told himself, _Just scroll to the end of this page. Just to the end. This is only the third school and the fourth page... The odds that she will be here are about a million to one. Just scroll. Or you will wonder forever._ So he scrolled.

And found Sydney Marshall. And the accompanying photograph.

TBC...

Just wanted to remind you of the format of this story:

**It won't have an alternate ending but it will have an _extended ending._ **

**Basically, it will end realistically and like all of us know it will but don't want it to and that will be the end for those who want a completely realistic story.**

**The extended ending will be one more chapter for those of you who are die-hard S/V fanatics. The ending will still be realistic but less so that the first ending (thanks to chocolatequeen who saved my butt).**

**Alright, REVIEW and adios~**

**-Jenn**__


	6. 1354 Beachside Road

Okay, this worked for Secret Agent Girl so I'm hoping that there are enough people out there reading this that this will work for me too.  
  
 I want 15 reviews for this chapter if you want the next one within 5 days. (Wow... This does have something in it for you after all ;) )

Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing... I've been going through a slightly bad time lately and they have never failed to make me feel good about myself.

So as an additional thank you, I'm going to make this chapter good. (hopefully you will think it is as well)

Thanks again,  
  
SWEET 16th COMING UP !!!!!

6.

Michael couldn't help but let his mouth drop slightly. Here she was. The whole time, all those years... it had been over a decade ago that he had last heard her voice but he had recognized it immediately. It hadn't changed at all; still had the same melodic rises and falls, the same inflections...

He couldn't help but wonder if she had changed at all; would she still be the beauty he remembered? He looked at the mirror. How much had he changed? He was still only 36, not too old even though it seemed like a lifetime ago that Sydney Bristow had walked out of his life.

And now here she was.

Realization pierced through the haze of joy like a lightning bolt. Sydney Marshall.

He felt like weeping.   
  
She was married.

Though she had left him because she wanted a love that was secure, he couldn't deny that a certain part of his heart had believed that she would never be able to find it; that she would come back to him. Eventually.

_God Sydney, was it really that easy? I could never find anyone like you... Could you find someone who made you feel like I did so easily?_

He clicked on her biography almost fearfully.

2 children. Ages 11 and 4. 

Dear God, she had found another person and had had a child within a year. 

His heart felt heavy, as if all the pain and burdens in the world suddenly gathered together and laid on it, trampling it until it didn't exist anymore. 

It was almost comical that all this information could be found on the Internet. The world was now a lazy place; he remembered when it had taken work to find out certain information.

He had promised himself that this was it, that now he knew and now he would have to come to terms with it and walk out the door. Surely if she moved on, he could too.

And it almost worked, he was almost able to convince himself. Except for the tiny voice in his head that kept telling him that Sydney had called him; she had seen him on television and called the phone number on the screen. She had wanted to talk to him. 

He missed her, wanted to talk to her so badly that it hurt. And so he gave in to the emotion inside of him; he was tired of being and staying strong for other people. Michael knew he would never be able to live with himself if he let this go by and spent the rest of life wondering what could have been if he had only thought to go further.

He opened the drawer in his hotel room and found the phone book, looking and flipping through the pages until he found what he was looking for.

Marshall.

There were 18 in all and the website was kind enough not to include home addresses so he once more pulled his CIA strings.

He picked up his cell phone and dialed the number he used to call so often.

"Weiss."

"Eric, I need you to do something."

"Michael? Hello to you too."

"Hello. I need you to do something."

He heard the slight tension on the line, as if Eric wasn't quite sure whether to be serious of humorous around him.

"Eric, please."

"What is it?"

"I need an address of... someone."

Eric chuckled. "Ha, using your connections to help your love life are you? I knew it would come someday; you always seemed so straight and narrow Mr. Big shot but now that all women are throwing themselves at you, it's hard on the willpower isn't it?"

Michael couldn't help but smile. "Yes Eric, that's it."

He heard the smile in Eric's voice. "Good. I was wondering when you were finally going to get over- I mean, when you were going to start going out again. So, who is this lucky girl?" Eric paused. "And why do you need the CIA to find out her address?"

"Marshall. Sydney Marshall."

"Sydney? Dude, do you have some kind of fetish or- something... it's her isn't it? You found her or she found you and left again didn't she? Michael, I'm not going to do this with you."

Michael shook his head in frustration. "Eric, I can't get her out of my head. Okay? And lately, I've learned to live with it and the fact that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life but I was doing an interview today and _she called_. Please. She called me and said that she was sorry. And- Eric, she was crying. She was crying and then she hung up.

"She's a teacher. In Virginia. If you don't help me, I'll call every Marshall in this damn phone book. I mean it. If I have to be alone for the rest of my life after this, so be it. But I'm not going to spend it wondering."

He heard the groan of Eric's will breaking.

"1354 Beachside Road."

"Thanks, I gotta go."

Vaughn turned off his cell-phone before he heard his friend's good-bye. 

~:~

It was beautiful, sitting right on the top of the mountain before it sloped downwards towards the sea. Michael closed his eyes for just a second, feeling the wind brush past his skin and envelop him in chilly warmth.

And then he took a breath and knocked.

After a couple seconds, the door opened and he found himself looking into eyes he hadn't seen for 12 years.

"Sydney." The word was barely there, more of a breath than anything else. She looked the same, as if he had never aged, still had the same defined face and the beautiful doe brown eyes. Except for the shock that now illuminated them, she was the same person that he had held in his arms. 

"Vaughn?"

He smiled ruefully. "Actually, It's Michael Williams now."

She tensed and turned to go back inside. Michael caught her elbow as she turned, forcing her to turn back around and look at him. "Please Sydney, I have to talk to you."

TBC...

**I hope you liked this chapter... **

**Remember I want at least 70 reviews (total... Don't worry I'm not THAT mean) in order to muster up the inspiration to write and post the next chapter by next Wednesday... And you KNOW it's gonna be good ;)**

**-Jenn**


	7. Announcement

Wow... You guys reviewed... A lot... I didn't even know that this many people read the story! 

****

I'm not going to demand reviews anymore because I feel mean when I do it but I will remind you that when I do get reviews, I feel good about myself and when I feel good about myself, I feel like writing.

See, I'm updating this chapter already... that has to be some kind of record :)

__

Note: I did **not** say that it would have a realistic ending, i said that there was going to a one ending that was realistic and then an extension of that ending that was S/V friendly.

7.

Sydney nodded slightly and walked into the house. Michael couldn't help but admire the openness of the house, how the white light seemed to glow from the walls. He sat down on the couch.

"Michael, why are you here?"

He smiled at her, if a little sadly. "Why did you call?"

She stiffened. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I did. It wasn't an invitation for you to come and see me."

Despite himself, Michael felt his jaw tensing in years of saved anger. "So do you feel _better _now? Have you released all the burdens from your soul?" He looked at her without seeing her and then looked down, unable to stay angry at her when she looked at him the way she did.

"You can't do that Syd. You can't _leave _me and then re-enter my life for a split second to _apologize. _Not if you believe you can leave that cleanly."

"Vaughn, I-"

"Does he love you?"

The question was sudden, sharp. Sydney felt as if she might topple over any minute. He hadn't changed at all. His face remained just as chiseled and charismatic as it had been when she had first seen him. Though his eyes seemed to be sadder. _I caused that sadness_.

She looked down into her hands, ashamed, feeling as if she was caught having some illicit love affair. "With all his heart."

Vaughn closed his eyes. He had planned to ask her if she loved him back but he couldn't anymore. He wasn't sure how he would react if she said yes. It was always better to hope.

But he stopped himself from thinking that way again. _No. It's not better to hope. Hope just gives you the means to ultimate and total desolation. How much more does it hurt when you truly expect something to happen than when you know in your heart it won't?_

He cleared his throat and got up, ready to leave, ready to live with the obstacles life had given him when he heard her voice, clear and piercing to his ears. "Michael."

He turned, feeling heavy inside. 

"What is it?" She wondered why she cared and then asked herself why she had thought she wouldn't. She still had feelings for him. She thought that she would outgrow them in time or perhaps even transplant them to Patrick; she had even thought it was working. 

But now that he was here, was standing right in front of her, she knew she had just been fooling herself. There was no denying the lurch of her heart when she had first seen him. How she felt somehow relieved as if he would whisk her away.

"How?" The single word was heavy, uttered with such sadness that Sydney felt dragged along with it.

"How what?"

He looked at her, meeting her eyes and she gasped at the feeling of his eyes clasping onto her own. 

"I loved you _so _much Sydney. I let you go because I thought that somehow, someday you would realize that you loved me too-"

"I did love you. I told you that I did."

"Not enough to stay. Not even enough to mourn what you left. How could you find someone so soon? How could you love another so soon after you left me? Knowing that I was still out there waiting for you? I know you went in search for a different kind of love Syd but Jesus, did you have to find it so damn fast?"

She couldn't move, felt frozen in her seat. He turned to the door again but for some reason, she called him back.

"Please listen to me." She stood up, reaching out her hand and leading him back to the couch. 

She forced herself to look at the intense green of his eyes, the green eyes that had made all women around the world swoon and name him their favorite anchorman. "You know I loved you Vaughn. And even I have to admit that you were the love of my life; I don't love Patrick the way I love you. But I was in Virginia and I couldn't come back to you and he asked me to marry him."

Michael shook his head. "There's more to that. There has to be. I _know _you and I know that you would not let anyone bully you into doing something that you didn't want to do."

"Why did you change you name, Michael?"

He paused, wondering at her sudden change in feeling. But then he understood what she was asking and knew what she wanted to hear, what he wanted to say, and what the truth would change between them. "For you." He answered, his voice soft.

"Me?"

"Yes. Don't you get it Syd? Everything I've done this past _decade _has been for you. I don't even know why anymore except that I do. I changed it so that no matter what, I would be Michael to you. And I changed it so that I would be Vaughn _only_ to you. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Despite herself Sydney felt the tears pooling in her eyes as indescribable guilt filled her very existence. She gently laid a hand on his, wondering if she was allowed to touch him, if he was still enough of hers to touch. "You're right. There was more to the story."

He looked up, curiosity lighting his eyes as he felt her hand resting so lightly on his. He followed her gaze to the family portrait, clenching his jaw tightly as his eyes wandered across her husband's handsome face, softening slightly as he saw so much of Sydney in her daughter, and freezing when his eyes rested on her son. 11 years old, he had all the right coloring so no one would ever guess that he was anything different from what he claimed to be.

But despite the boy's brown hair and chocolate eyes, there was no mistaking the high forehead and the slender nose followed by the thin lips and pointed chin. 

"Michael," she whispered, "I was pregnant."

TBC...

Seriously didn't know that there were more than like 12 people reading this story, thank you so much for reviewing and though I would like 100, I'm not forcing anybody.

Sorry it's so short, I promise to update again MUCH sooner... Not another month I swear :)

OMG thank you so much for all your reviews, they were amazing to read and I'm so glad that all of you enjoy the story... So here's my update as I promised and of course there's more where this came from~

****

review~

-Jenn


	8. The Whole Truth

**Thank you so much for all your reviews and e-mails... truthfully, I did not know that so many of you were reading this fic and because so many of you are and are also demanding specifics on updates, I guess I'll actually have to work out a system :)**

**I would love 140 reviews by the end of this and I'm guessing that the next update after this (If I'm correct in guessing this chap. will be updated on or before Friday, then on Monday- Wednesday for sure).**

**Thanks again, you guys are so great!**

_TO:_

_Secret Agent Girl: Wow... I'm guessing that you liked the last chapter ;) alkhagbldiuvdnsdrvayusdk_

_Isa3013: Thank you so much for all of your kind reviews, I recognize your name now, lol_

_Double-Agent: Yay, it's amazing to have enough readers to dedicate to... Thanks for your support._

_Cooljenk: Your reviews are popping up EVERWHERE and I love them, they are absolutely fabulous!_

_miss.pebbles: Okay, here's your explanation: Yes Syd and Vaughn were together before she left, remember the flashbacks + she wanted a secure and safe love where she didn't have to look over her shoulder every five minutes? Second... um she kinda did sleep with Vaughn on her first date with him (even though yes i know that the tension and stuff had been building up between them long before that) and also with Noah when she found out that he was back (okay, that wasn't the technical first date but it the first re-united date). _

_I hope it's clear now, if you have any more questions or confusions- review and tell me or e-mail and tell me. I'll try my best to clear things up._

8.

Vaughn's jaw went slack when he heard the words despite the fact that he had known the truth from the moment he had first looked at the little boy's face, so similar to his own from childhood pictures.

He turned to Sydney, slightly surprised to see a cautious look on her face, as if she wasn't sure whether to expect joy or anger.  But then it came, not exactly anger but a confusion that swarmed his senses. "Why didn't you tell me?", he breathed.

She heard the pain in his voice and hurt in his eyes and it made her want to hurt herself, punish herself for keeping this from him. "I... I was afraid that if I came back to you, you would have found somebody else. And I already had Patrick and he had already told me that he loved me-"

"Sydney. **_I_** loved you. I couldn't and can't ever find anybody else that compares to you. Don't you know that?" He resisted the urge to stroke her cheek with his thumb. "Don't you know how incredibly special and beautiful you are?"

Though she had heard the words many times from his mouth before, she couldn't resist the blush that came over her cheeks though the heat of it was also mingled with heat of shame. "I was scared. I had been hurt so much in the past and I know that I can always count on you and I was thinking about it when Patrick asked me to marry him and I felt so alone and I couldn't say no and..."

Sydney felt as if the ground beneath her was separating, as if at any moment it would break apart and she would fall into eternal blackness. Had she really known and believed in her heart in he would still be waiting for her?

The world stopped shaking as her mind cleared. After all, the answer was obvious wasn't it?

When she raised her head again, her eyes were no longer cloudy but the clear hazel that Vaughn was used to seeing.

"Of course I knew," she answered softly, ignoring the look of surprise that entered his eyes when she uttered her statement. "How could I not know at least deep in my heart that you loved me that much?" She hesitated- "After all, I loved you too so how could I not know?"

She laughed weakly but stopped when she saw the unspoken question in his eyes.

"Because it was too big of a risk." The statement was what it was, a fact told so clearly that it could not be questioned. "No matter how much I knew that my life would be better- _so much better- _if I came back, I knew that the risk was too great. No matter how much I believed in you and me and us, I couldn't help but think of the hurt that would destroy me if I did come back and found you loving someone else."

She laughed. "I know what you're thinking and it seems stupid to me now too. I should have known that you wouldn't have loved somebody else in 3 months."

Vaughn inched closer to her, shortening the space that lay between them on the couch and tentatively took her hand in his, amazed still that after all these years, her hand was still familiar to him. "Why couldn't you have taken the risk to just see? Wasn't it worth it? Wouldn't it be worth it?"

"Of course it was. And I have no other explanation to give to you save pure selfishness. Vaughn, if I never got to see you again in my entire _life_, I would always have the absolutely perfect memories that we created to keep me company forever; I would always know that at least once, I had the type of love that most people think only exists in fairy tales. 

"Most people don't get it once- how could I even dare to wish I could have it again? Especially if it was my fault that it was gone in the first place?"

Vaughn circled him thumb on her hand, a habit from years ago. "Sydney, it was never _gone. _It never will be _gone._" He paused, almost resigned. "How different would out lives be today if we had found each other?" Michael felt hollow, as if he had come to conquer but had lost it all instead. Nothing to do but to accept it.

"Or if I had never let you go."

There was a quiet that filled the room after she stated that last sentence, an almost comfortable silence that rested between the two of them like a warm comforter.

Michael's eyes watered back to the family portrait and for the first time saw the sadness that lurked under Sydney's lopsided smile. It was a perfectly nice smile, it alone would not have seemed strange. It was her eyes that gave it away, they were dull, full of the cloudiness that had disappeared moments ago. And he suddenly couldn't help asking, "Does he know?"

"Patrick? Or Matt?"

"Patrick. Matt. Both."

"No."

"How-"

"How did I hide it? Patrick liked me from the moment I came to Virginia and proposed to me two months later."

Vaughn once again felt the now familiar sinking of his heart as he fully remembered and realized that Sydney was no longer his. She was married, had children, had another life. An entirely new life that he did not belong in. Because it did not include him. "You agreed to marry someone you had been seeing for two months?"

He saw the guilty flare of her eyes, the war she stood-sat- humiliated as if he had just unearthed some large and soiling secret.

"Vaughn- I - I didn't know what else to do. Because I knew I couldn't go back to you and I couldn't imagine being able to love someone that way I loved you knowing that you were still out there loving me. After all, Patrick was everything that I wanted to find. And if it couldn't work with him, then what else could I wait for? If the best I could find couldn't make me feel that way you did and, in my mind, you were no longer an option for me, what else could I wait for?

"I was two months pregnant Vaughn. I was alone, I was emotional, I was desperately missing you and worrying about my child growing up without a parent like I did and then this kind, handsome, funny, smart man proposed to me. And his only flaw was that he wasn't _you_. What else could I have done?"

She looked up to find his eyes teary. "Could- should I have proposed to you Sydney? If I had proposed to you would you have stayed?"

"Oh Michael, I don't know. That might've pushed me away even further. I loved you so much and the only thing that hurt more than being with you was being with you and never being able to show the world that I was yours."

He found the strength to ask the question echoing in his heart. "Do you love him?"

Sydney took a breath. "For the first time I understand what it means to love someone but not be in love with him. I love Patrick but in so many ways I am still _in_ love with you."

He looked at the ceiling, his pain obvious. "I almost wish you didn't. I almost wish you hated me because it would be so much easier to walk away. God Sydney, I'm never going to be able to be with anybody ever again am I?"

She knew she was supposed to say that he would but she couldn't. And that was because she didn't want to; she was too jealous to tell him that he could have a woman which was the worst, selfish thing she could do. But it was in her heart.

Strange that he didn't seem to register yet that Matt was his son, strange how he hadn't focused on that at all. He hadn't wanted to be a father for so long that Sydney was surprised he wasn't pressing the issue. Then again, she had placed so many things on him that it was understandable how disconcerted he was. 

She watched as he stood up and walked around the room. He looked at his watch and then back at her. "Where's your family?"

"They went on a trip. Hiking."

"We're still friends aren't we? I'm starving. Aren't you hungry? Do you want to get dinner?"

She hesitated because it scared her how much she wanted to say yes. And she allowed herself to. It was the least she could do for herself and for Vaughn. They were only old friends catching up weren't they?

He helped her with her coat and opened the door, asking, "Why aren't you with them?"

She ignored the question, feeling queasiness come over her again as she placed her arm through his. "Let's go."

TBC...

130 is looking really good right now :)

So, this chapter was a little longer but I hope it wasn't too boring; I know it was all conversation but that's basically how I write everything so if that makes me a boring writer, so be it. This had to be said and this was the chapter to say it.

Review~

-jenn__


	9. Song and Dance

****

Oh my goodness, first of all, thank you all soooo much for all your wonderful reviews; I hope that you continue to enjoy this story.

-Jenn

9. Song and Dance

She didn't know why she did it. After all, they had nothing to be ashamed of, they weren't doing anything wrong. Maybe it was just because she was tired of feeling guilty. Or maybe it was because, if only for an hour, she wanted to be free. Just be Sydney Bristow again. Without the 'Marshall' and the entourage that came with it. Yes she was a mother and a wife but just for one night, one dinner, she merely wanted to be Sydney Bristow; Sydney Bristow who was out with Michael Vaughn.

So she had chosen the restaurant on the border; one that, though tasty, was an hour away. Just so nobody could see. Or just so that she wouldn't see anybody. 

But now, stepping through the doorway, the silence of the drive was gone and only the smell of steak drifted through the air. She turned her head and looked to her left at Michael who, still carrying a puzzled expression on his face, smiled weakly back.

Awkwardly he cleared his throat and draped her coat over her chair. He sat down quickly then, looking down at his silverware with a sort of astonishment coming over his face before looking back up again. "So… Matt is my son?" 

He had finally caught up and all she could do was nod faintly.

His eyes opened a little wider. "I have a son." The words were almost whispered to himself and he felt amazement race through his entire body. He had a family. But as quickly as the happiness of that realization overcame him, it left, leaving him with only a dull echo of pain. His son had grown up without him and, though he did not know it, did not know exactly who his father was. 

"Sydney… he doesn't know me."

"No. He doesn't." She started to feel uncomfortable under his too-strong gaze. 

He gulped, not knowing exactly what to do or how to react. "Tell me about him?"

It was strange to her how quickly tears leaped to her eyes as did her sudden smile. Motherhood had been good for her. Almost as if by instinct, she clasped his hand in hers as she felt the surge of pride run through her body. "He's so much like you." She whispered softly. "He's kind and polite to everybody but he's so stubborn." She couldn't help grinning. "He won't tell me but I know that all the girls like him."

He couldn't help but smile at that last comment. The words 'he must get it from his father' threatened to fly out of his mouth but he stopped them before they did. 

She was so beautiful when she looked at him like that, the soft smile lighting her eyes as the light, landing so perfectly on her tilted head, created the perfect peachy glow on her features. He bit his lip, looking down. 

"What is it?"

"Nothing." They hadn't been able to move on yet. Of course it would take time, of course things would never be the same. Yet despite his knowledge of these odds, a part of him had still held on to the hope that when he found Sydney again, all of the bumps would smooth out and life would be beautiful again. Even after he knew everything, the hope still clung to him fiercely. Stubborn.

"Michael, what?"

He looked up at her, his bright eyes still holding her mesmerized after all these years. "It's just that I was thinking about how this feels so right. I mean, yes it's uncomfortable but it still fits. All I can think about right now is that you should be sitting there across the table as my wife."

Her breath intake was sharp and made him regret his saying that. "Michael…"

"I know. I'm sorry I said that but it's true. I know that I'm too late and that you have moved on; I just had to get that off my chest. I won't say that anymore."

There was no other word to describe it. He truly seemed defeated and though, as a devoted wife and mother she should have let him alone, she couldn't. After all, this was _Michael_. So she reached out and touched him, getting his attention. "I see it too." 

And that's when her face opened and for the first time that day, Michael was able to see all her emotions spread across her face. And then it closed again and he knew that this moment was secret and spent, that it would quite possibly never be spoken of again.

So they talked about normal and mundane things and ordered their dinner.

"… So now I'm a high-school English teacher and I love it. And I think it's probably because of the total turnaround from 'the business'. Teaching is a profession where you have to share everything you know instead of hiding it and keeping it bottled up inside."

He grinned, seeing her truly happy was immensely gratifying though he still couldn't believe where he was and who he was here with. "Tell me about it. I mean, I not only can tell people anything about my life, I'm telling the whole world everything about everything-"

He stopped, completely froze and noticed that she did the same. 

Was that really what they thought it was?

It was.

****

TBC… 

Just kidding! I'm not that mean… I just couldn't resist!

The soft strain of the music lifted and filled the entire restaurant, weaving in and out of corners and in front of the two people who sat frozen in their chairs, staring at each other and remembering a night almost 13 years ago though it still seemed to be as clear as crystal in their minds.

Michael gulped, not being able to count how many times he had been unable to function when this song came on… 12 years of wanting to hear it and then shutting off the radio when it came on… did she do it too?

__

When a man loves a woman

Can't keep his mind on nothing else

He'll trade the world

For the good thing he's found.

Almost out of habit, or at least without any conscious control over himself, he stood up and held out his hand. "Dance?" His words were soft, full of memories and love and though she knew she shouldn't, she took his hand and allowed him to pull her up.

She had to restrain herself from melting into his as her eyelids fluttered closed, taking in the sounds, the touch, the purest feeling of the moment. Wanting to remember it forever lest she forget everything else.

__

If she's bad, he can't see it.

She can do no wrong.

Turn his back on his best friend

If he put her down.

They stood swaying gently close to each other regardless of the other people in the restaurant. It couldn't be helped, it had to be.

~:~ _13 years ago ~:~_

"I make the best steak in the world."

"Right. We'll see."

He raised his eyebrow at her words. "You know what? We will see because you are going to taste it and just completely swoon from happiness."

"I'm going to swoon?"

He grinned. "Yes, you are going to swoon."

She laughed, her eyes lighting up with banter and he couldn't help tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear before kissing her softly.

When he lifted his head and watched her eyes lazily open, he grinned. "Would that make you swoon?"

"Maybe."

He shook his head, not believing how unbelievably corny this conversation was. "Well then believe me when I say that this steak is better than my kisses so please sit down while you eat."

She grinned at him and walked into the living room. "I'm going to turn on some music."

His muffled response from the kitchen sounded like permission so she walked over to the radio and turned it on as the beginnings of a song began.

She closed her eyes, remembering the familiar melody, slowly mouthing the words while gently shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

She smiled as she felt arms come around her waist but kept her eyes closed, leaning back on him, trusting him to hold her. She felt his lips nuzzle her temple, the warmth that his body exuded comforted her. She opened her eyes and turned to face him, knowing that her face was red.

When a man loves a woman

He bent towards her and kissed her again, moving so slowly. Sound magnified, her ears felt as if they were rushing with the sounds that had not been there before. She smiled through the kiss, feeling more secure as his hands wrapped firmly around her hips, supporting her.

"Sydney I love you."

Her eyes lifted quickly to him, smiling through the sudden tears that had sprung up sometime ago. 

"I love you too."

He'd give up all his comfort

Sleep out in the rain

If she said that it ought to be

Breathless and trembling she leaned against the wall to stop the world from spinning so rapidly.

As they made their way into the bedroom, they were slightly aware of the smell of meat and the soft strains of music though neither cared.

The steaks were burnt that night.

~:~

He was moving closer, and she felt all the emotions sweeping back over her. His eyes were open, watching her watching him and she knew that at any moment her knees would give out. She stood helpless with desire as his face bent down towards hers and at the last minute, with his lips merely inches away, she shamefully turned away her head. 

"Vaughn, I can't."

TBC…

Hope it wasn't too boring/bad… 

-jenn


	10. A Final Request

**Mornings of Mist**

Thank you to all of you once again for your continual support. 

Update about the ending: Though the majority of you do want that S/V ending no matter how unrealistic it is, there are also some that don't want the marriage to break up because of morals and...well... realism. So, to answer some of your e-mails, yes the two endings will still take place. The first will be the realistic one and the second will be the ooh-ahh s/v. 

Danke!

**_Oh. Just wondering, have any of you been able to figure out the code in Ch. 6 from Far From Home? _** **_I dunno, I guess I'm just proud of it or something but it would be sooo cool if one of you did!_**

****

**_Okay, I'm done._**

10.

He didn't react in any way that she would have expected him to,wasn't angry or confused or teary- he didn't really react at all in fact. If there were a certain word that she had to place to the look on his face, it would have to be resigned.

Sydney knew why that was because she was feeling it too. Despite the fact that they had both been swept away by that damned song... they had still known that it could not last, that this night would soon be over and if anything were to happen, it would change both their lives dramatically. They would never be able to be "just friends" and she would never be able to look into the eyes of her husband or children or even Vaughn again.

And so the kiss was gone, thrown away into the cool crisp air that blew outside. Forever lost. And it was then that she felt truly uncomfortable because she didn't know what to do next. How would she be able to go on speaking to this man as if he were only an aquaintance if whenever he moved a certain why, she saw flashes in her head of the days and nights that they had shared? When she couldn't even _think_ about anything or of what to say because the only thing she wanted was to turn back time and dance with him again. But she was glad that she didn't have that power. She knew that if she did, she wouldn't have been able to turn him away again. And though both would be confused, she would let his lips touch hers and she would melt into him and forget everything else.

She licked her lips and looked at her watch. "Oh my God, Vaughn it's nearly ten. We have to go now if we want to get back by midnight." The words sounded silly and mechanical to her ears. They sounded too cliche, something a girl would make her Barbie doll say to Ken in her own make believe world. But he understood and nodded before standing up and getting her coat.

~:~

The drive home was silent, unbearable silent. But Sydney accepted that; partly because she felt that it was a punishment she deserved for the way she was treating both her family and Michael and because she was too scared to turn on the radio. Music was indeed a dangerous tool.

He stopped a block from her house and turned to her suddenly as if he was deciding right then on a decision that he had been mulling over for the past hour. He probably had. His eyes were suddenly bright, piercing hers with the intensity of his gaze and the color of his bright green eyes...

He took her hand in his and opened his mouth to speak. It seemed to her that he didn't blink, as if he was scared that if he closed his eyes even for a second, she would disappear and they would never have this chance again.

"Sydney, I'm leaving in three days. Going back to L.A. and I know that you probably don't need to hear this or even don't want to hear it but I just need you to _know_ all right?"

She nodded, waiting for the next words.

"I realize that you have another life here and that you have your own family and that you won't desert them, especially not for me and that is why I'm not going to ask you to. I know that if I do, it will put strain on you because I know, even if you aren't willing to admit it, that we still have feelings for eachother and it's not fair to ask you to make this kind of decision especially if I already know what your answer will be.

So this is not an entreaty for you to come back with me. In fact, I'm telling you to stay with your family. I would _never _want to be the person to break that up,you know that."

He kept on looking at her, making sure she heard the words, convincing himself that she was and that he was indeed still saying that words that were rolling around in his head.

"So stay here and don't think about me anymore if you don't need me. But I just want you to know that if anything happens to you, anything at all and I _mean_ that Syd, you never have to be afraid of coming back. Even if you lose everything that defines you, everything that makes you you, you don't have to be frightened. I'll still know you." The unsaid words were clear to both of them. _I'll still love you._

She knew that the fact that she hadn't trusted him enough to come back when she was pregnant had changed their lives and he was just pressing the point that she never had to think about anything when it came to coming to him. He would always be there. But the only words that she heard were "_So stay here and don't think about me if you don't need me." _

_God I need you Michael, I need you so much more that you know; you don't know this because it would hurt you too much to know but I think about you every day. When the sun comes up, right when the new days comes, I let myself forget and start again but it never works because you are in me. You are in every single part of my being because, like it or not, know it or not, I am yours. It would kill you to hear that. _

"Thanks, Michael."

He nodded and turned back to the wheel, suddenly professional and unreadable again. 

~:~

Three days. 

He was leaving and out of her life in three days. There was a finality to it that she was afraid of, the possibility of never being able to see him, to talk to him again. She couldn't even imagine it despite that fact that before today, they hadn't been in contact for over a decade. Meeting again only to have him leave brought back the memories of the painful months that had followed her own abandonment. 

She couldn't help but smile as she saw the magazine on her kitchen table, knowing that it contained a glossy-paged 3 page interview with him, with this person that he was pretending to be even though he was making up the past. She would be reduced to being a woman who was starstruck by a handome anchorman, joining the already fawning crowd of thousands. She flipped through the pages, anxious to see his face.

And there it was. A full page of his soulful eyes, his slight grin, the concerned expression that everyone found so attractive that had never been able to leave his face. 

She read the interview.

VG: All right Michael, this is going to be yet another of those interviews where you have to answer the same questions that everyone else has already asked you. It's going to be tedious, it is most probably going to be slightly boring but let's face it; everybody loves you and this magazine will sell like crazy.

[Mr. Williams laughs at my comments which immediately boosts him up on my favorite-people list.]

VG: You seem to have a very mysterious past that that was what made you such an interesting person to the eyes of the public though I can't say that it is the only part of you that attracted the large female following of your show. I hate to bring up old flames, at least so bluntly, but it has to be asked. Two months ago you were asked about your love life and you were very vague. One month ago you went on a talk show and, indeed were very talkative until they reached that topic. A couple weeks ago, you were surrounded by press when you tried to go to the movies and the ratio of romantically-based question to others were around 60 to 1. Can I hope to get any kind of answer from you?

MW: Wow, you guys are incredibly thorough... Yes I do like to keep my past mine probably because there's so little in the world that you can actually call your own that it seems to me that there are certain things that one must keep to himself.

VG: Is that a polite way of saying 'No Comment'?

MW: [Laughs] Probably something along those lines, yes.

VG: So it's safe to presume that there is someone special in your life?"

MW: I'm never going to be able to dodge that question am I? Okay, I'll "spill the beans". There is someone that I will not name that I have... loved for a very long time.

VG: Do you have _any_ idea how many women will cry in despair when they read this?

MW: It was _your_ question you know.

VG: Okay, so I'll take the hint and move on to generics. What would one find in your refridgerator?

MW: _That's_ a generic question? It's a trick isn't it? Whatever I answer is going to let you in on some weird thing like what kind of women I like or something isn't it?

VG: If you say so.

MW: Umm.. eggs, steak, ketchup, and gatorade. Basically. I'm not much of a home-eater.

She skimmed the questions to which she already knew the answers to, pausing only to look at the shiny pictures of him smiling. It had been a long time since she had seen that smile.

VG: Okay, final question and just to bring this interview to some semblance of order, we're going back to the love thing. How do you know when it's love?

MW: When it can't be anything else.

TBC...

Review as always~ -Jenn


	11. The Letter

**Mornings of Mist**

**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:**

Hmm... I guess you guys didn't like the last chapter as much... All right, let's try again.

Here's 11~

**11.**

The next day, after she woke up with a slight headache and took in her messy bedroom, the magazine flung to the floor, and the half-empty cup of wine on her dresser, she knew that she had to get out. She couldn't stand the smell of this place anymore, it filled her senses until there was nothing else that she could think about or even see. She got out of bed rather ungracefully, refusing to meet eyes with the smiling Michael Williams on the cover of the magazine, refused to think about his twinkling eyes, his perfectly tousled hair and how close he had come to kissing her the other night.

Walking over to her closet, she took out a bathrobe and draped it across her flannel nightgown. She wasn't going to go very far. She just needed to stroll on the beach, her beach, and feel the wind blowing her hair behind her, needed to smell the crisp salt of the sea. She needed cleansing, needed to forget out wonderful it was to be in his arms again. She had to have something convince her that she was where she was meant to be. 

Tying the strap tightly around her, she pulled her hair back in a simple ponytail before taking it out again. She wanted the wind to blow her hair everywhere. She wanted it to flail around her and shroud her, whipping her face with its lightness. 

When she opened the door to walk out onto the sand, she saw the letter lying there on the stoop so innocently, weighed down by a rock. The envelope was blank but she knew who it was for and who it was from almost as if she had caught the person putting it there. She supposed it was some goodbye, another letter she would furtively keep in her dresser at school and read when the loneliness was too much to bear.

Picking it up quickly and putting it in her pocket, Sydney made her way down to the water, slipping off her sandals and letting the coldwater lap against her feet and slightly touch her legs. It kept her alive.

After she took in a few breaths to steady herself, she took out the letter and opened it, lightly fingering its creases with a delicate fingernail. Then she finally let her eyes skim over the words and take in the so familiar handwriting.

_Sydney,_

_            I thought that the easiest thing I could do at this point would be to just leave and pretend that I did truly lose you. Pretend that I never had a son. You may have been surprised that I was not curious after that first question but that was because when I heard you speak about him, when I saw that look of absolute love light up your face, I only felt pain._

_            Pain that my own son would never be able to know his father, something that I have promised myself countless times I would never do. I'm sure that Patrick is a good father and because Matt thinks that he is his father, I thought I could merely bow out. That if I didn't know anything about him, I would not feel the guilt. There are so many things that I want to know about him, I want to know everything. Yet during that long drive home, I could not let myself open my mouth and let the questions out because I felt that the silence was too much of a signal between us._

_            But I see now that this is not possible; it's already too late. I know now that I have a son whether I want to think so or not and even though I know that you would assure me that him not having me as his father is not my fault, I feel that guilt nonetheless. I'm not going to ask for him, I just need to know who he is. What kind of person he is._

_            And I can't lie, I think that this is probably about wanting to see you once again too. I can't help loving you Sydney even though that I know that you have another place, that you are a different person and that the obstacles separating us are not as mental as the ones 12 years ago. But I still see your face when I close my eyes, still smell your hair when I drift off to sleep, still wake up in the middle of the night thinking that you are lying mere feet away from me. _

_            I'm not asking you to come back to me; I know it can't be done. I just want to know. I can't stay in the dark anymore and just tell myself that what will be will be. I have to know in my heart that you are safe and happy and that my son is loved, not merely by you though I know and can tell you that that is the most glorious thing in the world, but also by his father. _

_            I'm sorry that I wasn't there when you needed me and that I distanceed myself so that you felt you couldn't come back. But knowing that your life can change so drastically in mere moments is something that I can't turn my back on and I need to know that I would never be the reason for you being scared to come to me again. _

_            With all my heart._

She had stopped in the water, the waves reaching her knees, wetting the hem of her gown and her robe. She didn't notice but read the lines over and over again, mouthing them to herself like some sort of mantra. It was only when she realized that her heart was aching and that that was the pain that was coursing through her entire body that she knew, truly knew, how much she had forgotten love. She loved Patrick to be sure but it was not the same kind of passion that she had had with Vaughn. Not the complete understanding- the friendship- the knowledge of each other's lives- the absolute truth in between them- the compatibility of their minds and their bodies- their absolute love- those forbidden kisses and those eyes staring deep into hers as he approached her- the moonless nights she had spent wrapped in his arms- the warmth of his side of the bed that she always put her hand over when he got up, just to remind herself that he had been there.

There was no one else.

And it was too late, she had not known until the chance was gone.

Only it hadn't been gone, had never been gone.

She closed her eyes to stop the tear she knew was threatening to come down her cheek. 

She was scared of what would come from this final meeting but she was also enthralled, wanting to see him again before she had to settle for watching his too small face on the flat screen of the television.

She had his telephone number in her purse.

**TBC...**

**Well?? Any better? I hope so because if it's not I may actually do pre-writing and God knows  hate prewriting.**

**Ummm... 180? 185? **

**Hope you liked it and are anticipating what's coming next (so am I because I don't know)**

**Haha~**

**review please~**

**-Jenn**


	12. Final Entreaty

**Mornings of Mist**

Hey Folks, sorry about the long delay but here it is, inspiration to write the next chapter has finally come (woke me up at 7 during my break too!)

*Reminder*

Don't forget to check out the other fics I've updated this week:

(1) An Undefinable Sweetness (40)

(2) Vivian Heights (4)

(3) A Lesson in Humility (4) (This chapter is aching for reviews... It's gotten like 5 so make me happy and check it out)

(4) meNTaL BreAK (1) Written with Secret Agent Girl

**Mornings of Mist**

She hesitated only a second before knocking at his door. With each rap, the sounds seemed to echo in her heart like a dull thudding pain; one that she was unable to stop because it was so deep inside of her. She heard the locks clicking after her third knock and then the door opened. 

"Hey," he said casually, naturally, as easily as he had said it whenever they had met for their meetings. 

"Hey," her answer more lined with anxiety, her smile a little nervous.

He just looked at her for a second, taking her in, taking it all in that she should come for him, be standing outside of his doorway. Then, shaking his head, he smiled a little ruefully. "I'm sorry, would you like to come in?" He noticed the slight hesitation that seemed to stop her before she did.

They sat down almost immediately on the plush couch provided for by the hotel. There were no awkward tour of the apartment, no fake presentations. Only hunger for knowledge, for information... or perhaps for each other's company one last time. 

She pulled out a photo album and even from the other side of the couch he could see the soft glistening of her eyes that matched the little smile that had overcome her lips. His heart started beating a little faster just watching her, once again in his room, once again allowing him to be in her company. She looked up at him and motioned his over and he came next to her and saw his son.

Playing soccer, wind blowing in his face, green eyes alight with happiness, he looked too familiar.

Hockey pictures, family pictures, every sort of picture that a mother can have of her son is in this book. And as both became enchanted by the photos, Michael looking at the son he has never met, Sydney looking at the son she adores, their hands met each other almost of their own free will and their fingers entwined. 

She laughed, pointing at a picture. "This was during the period when he thought he was Superman and whenever he got home from school, he would rush to his room and put on his Superman costume. Sometimes he would really believe that he was invisible and sneak into the kitchen and that day he saw the cake I was making and flew into it." She smiles as she traces her son's cake-smeared face. 

He laughed too, his heart both lightening with each anecdote yet growing darker and heavier too. Clearing his throat, he looked at her. "When are they coming home?"

"Tomorrow morning."

He nodded. "So what else do you have?"

Everything.

They pored over stories written, report cards, pictures drawn, and even some homework assignments. Michael shook his head. "We have to be the weirdest parents in the world."

She suddenly sobers and he realizes that he is not a parent, not really. He knows facts about the boy, can list off his grades and his hobbies but he does not yet truly know him and the chances are against him that he ever will. He will never truly become William Vaughn and that is the only legacy he has ever wanted. The only true goal in his life; working for the CIA was honoring his father's life but becoming to his son what his father was to him was supposed to be a remembrance. A celebration of everything that William Vaughn had ever meant to him.

And he was never going to have that. "I'm never going to have that."

The statement sounded dull and hollow even to Sydney's ears and she stops in the middle of her anecdote to turn to him with a wondering expression in her eyes.

"I'm never to going to be a father, Syd. I will never be able to show my child what love I have for him. Ever."

She turns to him, taking his face in her hands and looking at him. "Of course you will. Michael, you are still in your thirties. Who are you to talk about being lonely and having no children? Their are millions of women who would love to be your wife and, what's more, I know that there is at least one that you could fall in love with!" 

The words hurt her but she kept them inside for him. Who was she to dictate his life or wish in the deepest portion of her heart that she wished him to stay single. That would require a selfishness that she didn't have and didn't want to use. Not against Vaughn. 

He stood up, shaking his head. "Sydney, you don't understand. This isn't about how many women are out there," He turned to her, looking into her eyes with such sorrow that she feels her breath hitch in her throat. "It's about how many woman aren't. I know that there isn't exactly a shortage of women out there but how can I go willingly into a relationship that I already know will _never_ measure up to what I had with you-"

"How do you KNOW that? Vaughn, I have NEVER seen you so- so self-sacrificing. I'm not even sure if I'm using the right word because I still can't believe you. How can you know that there isn't someone else you can fall in love with if you don't even try to look?"

"Because I _know._ Sydney, have you looked at yourself recently? Are you happy?"

"Yes. I'm happy."

"Happier than you were with me?"

Her eyes shook a little then. "How can you ask me that? You know the answer already Michael how can you stand there and force me to tell you that yes, I loved you. Yes, I still love you. What do you want me to _say?_ You want me to stand up too? To tell you that yes I love you, I have always loved you, that I probably always will love you? You want to know that I saved that last letter you wrote me in a locked drawer in the desk at work? That whenever I miss you, I take it out and read it and _cry_? That it's so work that it's already feeling like it's going to rip from how many times it's been folded and cried on?

"Yes Michael, I know what you are talking about but I'm living. I have a family and a husband who loves me and that's the best I can do right now."

"No. Sydney, It's _not_ the best you can do right now," He is shaking from what he has heard, what he cannot yet process. "I'm sorry. Is that what you want to hear? I'm sorry if I'm putting too much burden on you Sydney but I just can't believe that he could have been together and had a family if you had only come back-" His words shook with emotion and he sat back on the couch. "What did I do to make you think that I was so unapproachable?"

She sat down next to him, heart aching with the content and the extent of his misery. Kissed his hair lightly, brought an arm around his back. "It wasn't you. It was the fault of my own inhibitions. I swear to you Michael. There hasn't been a day where I don't wonder what could have happened between us. But I have made the decisions that I have made and I can't change that."

He turned his head towards her and took her hands into his own, warming them. "Sydney, what if you could?"

"Vaughn, don't say that. You know I can't and even if I could I'm not sure I can answer that. Yes I would have been happier having a life with you but to leave my family for my own self-interests? As much as you want to be William Vaughn, I will not turn into Irina Derevko."

His words are wooden as he looks into the wall, seeing something that no one else can see. "It would have been different if you hated me or you were dead. Then I could go and move on and find someone else and still love you. But knowing that you are still out there and knowing that you love me and can't do anything about it... It's more than I can take Sydney. I can't do this. How can you expect me to go and find someone even after I know now that you still love me and you miss me? As much as I miss you." 

"Because it's what we have to do. The sacrifices we have to make."

"No. I don't have to make any sacrifices. That's why I quit the CIA. So I could be selfish. So that I don't have to think about anyone but myself. It's an ugly truth but it's there."

"So do it."

"What?"

"Start thinking about yourself. And stop thinking about me?"

His laugh sounded derisive, self mocking. "Sydney, do you even know what you are asking me to do? Can you forget me?"

"No."

"Then don't ask me too."

There was a pause then, between the two of them and as he closed his eyes, he could hear the stories she had told him of a son running through his head, flowing with the pain of never being able to see him or speak to him. 

"Come with me." The question was merely a whisper, hardly audible but Sydney's sharp intake of breath proved that she heard it. 

"Michael... You said you weren't going to ask me. Don't you remember? You said that you know what my final answer was going to me so you were going to accept them and take away the burden of my stressing about it. To relieve me of the pain. Don't go down this road."

And then he turned to her and she saw the emptiness in his eyes and the utter feeling of desire flooding her own system. He leaned towards her, eyes begging pleading until his lips met hers in utter surrender. 

His kiss was soft, thorough, not as much for the kissing but for the remembrance of a kiss. To last for another twelve years. 

When he felt her hands begin to rub circles into his back, he pulled away though in the process, he felt as if he was ripping his heart out. He stood up.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- I mean-"

His voice trailed off. "You should go."

She nodded, feeling guilt spread throughout her though she also couldn't help wanting the kiss to go on. How could she ever have forgotten?

"Sydney."

She turned around, all her papers back in her bag. 

"I'm leaving tonight."

**TBC**

Alright, so I'm thinking about 1 more chapter until the first finale and then the one after that will be the unrealistic S/V.

And I've warned you guys that it would be unrealistic about 4 times so if you flame me for that...that's just cruel.

Check out the other fics~

Review,

Jenn  **210?**


	13. Don't Leave Me

**Mornings of Mist**

**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:**

_Sorry about the long wait, I wasn't doing it on purpose. You see, Gracie (my muse) left but she's back again now and woke me up at __6:30__ in the morning because of her urgency to get out this next chapter._

_I hope you guys like it and I want to thank you for all the really wonderful reviews you guys gave, they are a huge inspiration and definitely a great source of fuel to write further chapters._

_~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:_

13.

"Flight 347. Last call for Flight 347." 

Michael barely registered the words, barely heard, barely acknowledged them with a flicker of his eyelids as he stood against the railing, waiting. She would come wouldn't she? Not to leave with him, he was sure of that now, but to say goodbye? That had to be one temptation that she couldn't resist…one that she would regret if she didn't act upon. Where was she?

He scanned the crowds before him, walking, talking, carting, smiling, grimacing… so many people, so many personalities crammed into one building. But none of them was the one he was looking for, was searching so entirely for. Clasping his ticket, he sighed and turned to the woman at the counter. 

"Good evening sir. How are you today?"

"Good evening. Fine thanks, how are you?"

"Not too bad Mr… Williams…" She stopped, looked up from his ticket and to his face, excitement growing rapidly. "I- I'm sorry sir, it's just that… "She grinned, handing him his stub and then putting the rest of the ticket into his hands. "Could you sign that for me?"

He knew that he should smile and say 'of course'…knew that he should act every inch of the celebrity he wasn't. So he mustered up what he hoped would be mistaken for a shy smile and quickly signed it. 

"Thank you so much, my whole apartment stays up to watch you."

He nodded, embarrassed. "Thanks."

He turned to look one last time, trying to see if her figure was among the throng of people; he knew that if she was there, he would know. He would know her gait and her manner of walking wherever he was or wherever she went.

He had memorized them in his dreams long ago.

Picking up his sole suitcase, he stepped out of the line and into the line of people waiting at the terminal. He knew it was just his broken heart speaking but it was almost as if it was taunting him, making him believe that she was calling out his name.

It became louder and louder in his head until he wanted to run away from it; he knew now for sure that there would never be anybody else. Sydney… she was the love of his life. And know he was on a plane getting ready to go back to wallowing in misery without her. 

He turned just to make sure that it was just him hearing these voices and that it was not actually happening.

But it was. 

He felt a grin start when he saw her familiar lithe figure jog towards him, hair flailing, speed almost unheard of though it looked like an easy pace.  He set down his luggage and waited for her.

As he always did.

She was only feet away from him now, close enough so that he could see that she was crying, that she hadn't slept. "I couldn't not say good-bye."

He nodded and couldn't, for some reason, find anything to say. "Double-negative."

She grinned lightly through her sadness, shaking her head. "Grammar police."

"It's right though."

"What?"  
  


"The use of the double-negative. It seems fitting."

She started to nod but then fell to laughter. "This is the weirdest conversation I had ever had and I'm an English teacher."

He smiled and placed his hand under her elbow, steering her to the railing by the window.  "So."

"So."

They started to speak simultaneously but Sydney won. 

As she always did.

"I just wanted to say that I am so sorry, Vaughn. I know that I should have come to you, that I shouldn't have just run to someone else but-" she faltered. "Have you ever tried to draw Tyra Banks out of a magazine?"

He looked at her, puzzled. "No… when I see Tyra Banks in a magazine, I usually just look at her."

"I mean… when I was younger, I tried to draw Tyra Banks to show everyone that I was artistic. Which I later discovered that I wasn't. But anyway, I worked so hard on this one drawing that it actually did start looking like her. And the reason why there was such a good likeness was because of how much effort I put into her eyes and so even though it wasn't a photo likeness, if you had to guess… she'd be part of the top three,"

"I want to see this picture."

She smiled. "What I'm_ trying_ to say is that I wanted to perfect it and there was always something wrong with her, something that kept her from being Tyra. And then I figured it out. It was her eyes. The very things that I was worked on to make it truly her were the things that distorted her image. They were at the wrong angle and changed the shape of her face.

"I know this sounds like digression but that's all I can think about when I try to analyze what I did. All I had to do was change the angle of her eyes and she would be so much better but I was unwilling to erase something that I had worked so hard on. Michael… when I left you, I felt like I had intentionally destroyed myself. Things were hard- Our relationship was hard but it was never something to regret and that's the mistake I made. 

"So when I came here and tried to hard to fit it and start life over again, to prove to myself or just to convince myself that somehow I had made the right decision… to prove you wrong-" she smiled at the floor shaking her head, "and then I found Patrick and then I realized that I was pregnant. And that was the distortion of true love; it could be recognized as love but it's always a little off when compared to the real thing. 

"Even though it was your baby and my life would have turned out so much better had I come back to you-" she looked into his eyes, making sure he heard the words she was saying, "- I didn't want to risk what I already had. I had worked so hard for what I had already achieved here and I was so blinded by my supposed success that I lost sight of how things _would be. And I'm sorry."_

He enveloped her in his arms. "Sydney, I'm not going to stand here and say that I don't love you anymore because that would be living a complete lie. But I do understand your decision and why you have to live with it and I- I would like to leave on a good note."

She nodded, tears beginning to well up in her eyes. "Me too."

That had been the easy question. And now, "One last kiss?"

She knew that what she was doing was technically wrong, that she shouldn't kiss this man in such a romantic way when her husband was coming home the next morning or when she even had a husband at all. But this was Michael, the prize that she was giving up for him. And she wanted to.  Nodding slightly, she tilted her head, ready for a chaste peck, not seeing what urgency it would bring.

It was still chaste but now possessed an urgency, a desire that she had not expected. Years of pent-up frustration and loneliness… more than a decade or wishing to be somewhere else with someone else. With all the remembrance of the kiss that had accidentally occurred hours before.

And the flashes of their last night together hit them both with a sudden force, rendering them both powerless to the might of their memories.

_She was leaving in the morning and yet he could not steel himself against her, couldn't make himself accept it and spurn her. No matter what she did, what she said, it was impossible to him to stop feeling the way that he did, impossible for him to stop himself now as he scooped her body into his arms. _

_She was crying softly and he laid his lips on the drops, letting them soak into his lips and, feeling the saltiness, kissed her own with such meaning that she was almost moved to rescind her decision. But she was strong and stubborn and he knew that it wouldn't be that easy. _

_He had given up already. This was final resignation, a last memory to make, one last encounter before an emptiness was to overcome his life._

_They had decided to push that out of memory and to take this night only as it was._

_And so he lowered his lips on hers once more, placing a hand softly at her cheek and letting it  trail slowly  down the length of her body, the tips of his fingers lightly tracing the delicate structure of her face, the slope of her long neck, the hollows and curves of her torso and the strength that he knew lay underneath the soft skin. _

_He kissed her eyes, her nose, laid his forehead against hers and took in her sweet smell, ingraining it into his memory for the lonely nights to come. His fingers found the zipper that lay in her back and lowered it slowly, never releasing her gaze. _

_As he undressed her, she lay her own finger against his cheek, her fevered touch burning his skin and bringing tears to his eyes. She laid it against his lips, watched in silent mesmeration as he caught the tip of it with his lips, kissing it softly as she shuddered slightly. Her hand slipped around the back of his neck, leading his head to her neck, closing her eyes as she felt his teeth nipping at the sensitive flesh before soothing it with a warm tongue. _

_He lay along the length of her, feeling every inch of her under him, needing to know that she was truly there with him at least one last time. _

_When it was over and she lay in his arms, crying softly at her own decision, he could only murmur one thing over and over into her hair. To no avail._

_"Don't leave me."_

They separated, both remembering the utter helplessness and sadness of that night, how she had managed to go and how he had somehow let her.

Both their eyes were closed, still remembering the hurt that came with the beauty, the passion, the unity. As if still swept up in the trance, he murmured softly the same words.

"Don't leave me. Sydney, please don't leave me."

But when he opened his eyes, she had already left.

TBC…

_Hey guys…hope you enjoyed it or was able to like it as much as you could considering the angst content… It turned out to be slightly smutty and I apologize for not having warned you._

_Next chapter is the realistic ending, the chapter after that one is the less-realistic S/V ending that so many of you seem to want so badly ;)_

_Send me love~_

_-Jenn_

_Also: Check out my other updates: A new fic called "**Remembrance" and the 4th chapter of "**A Lesson in Humility"** which is dying because it started out with a lot of readers and has rapidly dwindled to about five so help bring it back to life and take a look! **_


	14. The Way it Has to Be

*****PROMOTION::: R/R MY LATEST FIC (yes speedy I know that there are way too many to keep track of right now) INSPIRED BY DREAM WRITER 4 LIFE!!! IT'S CALLED "SWITCH" AND I THINK IT'S PRETTY COOL SO CHECK IT OUT~*****

**Mornings of Mist**

**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:**

_Realistic Ending.__ Not S/V… but if you want to read the S/V ending then you should read this one anyway because it is still a continuation type-thing._

_Thanks a bunch, you guys rock._

**_Read the A/N in italics at the bottom of the chapter because it explains about the next chapter!!!!!_**

_~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:_

_14._

She didn't let herself think about what had happened. It _had_ happened and that was all that mattered. She refused to feel guilty for running away while his eyes were still closed, remembering moments that she was terrified to admit to seeing and remembering too. Absolutely determined not to even let a moment's regret sweep her away; she had done what needed to be done for the sake of her family. Her new life.

Who was she to dictate the lives of four people for love? 

She was sure now. She was here, everything still existed around her, it wasn't as it was described in books and movies. Life did not move in a mist, nothing slowly revolved around her; when she touched herself, she still felt real. And more than anything, Sydney Marshall was fully aware that her existence was not a dream.

It was her _choice._

Just like it was her choice to be sitting on her couch right now, surrounded by her family. She loved them, there was no doubt about that. Should she be given the chance to reconsider a thousand times over, she would not have taken it. These were her children, her own flesh and blood. She could see herself in them, could see Patrick in them.

Could see Vaughn in them.

And she could almost convince herself that she felt the miniature kicks of her next on the way. 

She couldn't leave them, would not be able to leave them, would be forever unwilling. But still she fought the urge to weep openly, to make up some reason for her emotions and her inner turmoil and use this excuse to climb up to her room and weep for her loss of the one true love of her life. And the only remembrance she had of him was in the mistaken belief that he belonged to another.

It would have been easier if Patrick weren't so good. 

There would have been no contest if she hadn't had any children.

But she did and he was.

And so all she could do was hold back her sobs and paste a smile on her face, reliving the old days of deception and false fronts. For her decision was final; the consequence of the choice she had made over a decade ago. Nothing could change that now, she couldn't go back in time and will it not to be true. 

Things didn't work like that. Life wasn't that easy and it certainly hadn't given her many favors.

So with a weary smile at her husband, she stood up to grab her daughter and then sat back down on the couch and pulled Arianna into her lap, kissing her soft hair lightly before lapsing back into her own world. It would only be today.

She would only grieve for love lost today. Tomorrow she would wake up and focus on the people she had promised her concentration to. She would be bright and cheerful and motivating. Tomorrow she would be the perfect wife and mother.

Tomorrow.

But maybe once in awhile, just once in awhile mind you, she would allow herself to turn on the television and watch the news. Maybe she would untie her apron and stop dinner for a few minutes to watch Michael Williams speaking, staring straight at the camera, knowing somehow that he was looking directly at her when he smiled at the lens, knowing that she would always inhabit a part of him. 

And even when he laughed, she hoped that she could still see a part of her in him; the part of her that had allowed him to come free. 

And sometimes, maybe she would even see the light of sadness and loss glinting in his eyes; the glint that they would both share and keep under their bright smiles and the layers of time, people, and glass separating them. She would be able to see the suffering once in awhile and know that she was the cause of it and that would make her suffer too. 

But then she would smell the dinner cooking in the kitchen and retie her apron to finish it, leaving the television on and the pile of ungraded papers on her desk.

And in the midst of conversation, during the talking and the laughter, perhaps she would even forget him for a little while. Just a little. So that she could have the façade of the perfect life even if it was just for a few seconds.

Her eyes focused back on the television screen and saw that the news had started. Arianna squirmed out of her lap to go play and Matt read on the other side of the couch. 

And when she opened her eyes again and saw the familiar face looking at her, she sighed and placed her head on her husband's too-high shoulder.

~_Fin~_

**FOR THE PEOPLE WHO WANTED IT TO END REALISTICALLY, THIS IS THE END**

**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:**

**FOR THE ONES WHO WANT THE S/V ENDING (WHICH IS ALSO REALISTIC…JUST LESS SO****… okay, actually it's just really unrealistic) WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER~**

**THANKS AGAIN TO CHOLCOLATEQUEEEN**** for her wonderful idea.**

**REVIEW!******

**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:**

**READ!!! THE BELOW A/N~ **

_Seriously, if you guys want it to end realistically**, please stop here** because I'm warning you that the next ending is only for super shippers who don't mind reading things that don't even make sense. _

_If you love this story more than you love S/V, stop now because **the next chapter will bring everything you know to a crash. **_

-jEnNifER


	15. So This is Love

**Mornings of Mist**

**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:**

_The unrealistic S/V ending~_

**15.**

Her hand trembling woke her from her reverie and, filled with an emotion that she couldn't quite understand, she sat down in her seat, mouth hanging slightly open. 

She looked around her, saw the people lining up in the aisles, anxious to get to their own seats; she looked above her and saw the luggage compartment half open, her suitcase still hanging half way out of it. 

It took awhile for all the pieces to come together but when she had sorted everything out, there was only one true solution. She couldn't ruin her life; this had told her what would happen more than anything else would ever be able to.

How could she not have known? How could she not have even guessed? 

She stood back up, head still reeling from the power and emotion that that sudden vision had placed through her mind, and grabbed the wooden handle of her suitcase firmly and strode, nearly ran, out of the plane despite the opposite traffic by the people in the aisles.

When she got out of the plane, was back in the waiting area, she couldn't see him. Perhaps he hadn't been willing to watch her truly leave his life. But she had to reach him; no matter how hard it was, nothing was worth what she would be leaving behind.

She thought she saw a flash of his lean figure walking away and that was all she needed.

Dropping her suitcase on the floor without a second thought, she ran suddenly without any reserve, knowing that this was the most important thing she had ever done in her life, knowing that she had almost made a horrible decision. 

She called out his name endlessly internally, matching beats with her stride.

She reached the doors of the airport and saw him leaning into a cab.

"MICHAEL!!" 

Her cry was loud and full of any and every emotion that she had previously been unable to express. All the people turned around to look at the woman who had caused the commotion. But the only important thing was that the only man who truly mattered had turned.

The tears were already brimming as she hurled herself towards him, weeping openly by the time she collided into him, feeling his arms come around her body with such tightness that she knew how much torture that he had been going through… could not believe how much torture she had been willing to let him go through for her own happiness. Though she knew now that she would not have been achieved either.

The taxi driver grumbled and sped away, unwilling to wait.

His voice came like a soft breeze across her ear and made her ache with realization… how could she ever have considered leaving him? "Sydney… Syd what's wrong?"

Sydney lifted her head off his shoulder, eyes suddenly clear despite the tear tracks still visible down her cheeks. She placed her hands behind his neck and kissed him deeply, shutting him up if only for the moment so that she could truly tell herself that this was reality. That she had finally come to the right decision.

"Michael… I couldn't leave you," Her whisper brought a missing twinkle back to his eye. 

"You were always the one for dramaticism. You really couldn't realize how unhappy you would be without me until now?"

She shut him up again, suddenly needing him more than anything else… the knowledge and the seeming reality of losing this man engulfed her and she could not stand one more moment without contact. She scattered kisses all around his mouth, his cheeks.

Stopping when he laughed. "Sydney, what happened?"

"You have no idea how much I've missed you Michael."

"I only left you about 20 minutes ago… oh, did you see my note?"

She grinned, having the double memories of reading the note for the first time and then reading the note as a teacher 12 years into the future. "I did…"

His eyebrow raised. "And?"

"You aren't going to believe me but I was truly blinded by what I thought I wanted. And then I suddenly got this… this _idea, I guess you could call it, of me in twelve years living the life that I told you I wanted. The life I tried to convince myself that I wanted._

"I had the perfect husband, the perfect kids…the perfect house… it was a life that anybody would dream of," she paused, looking at him, wanting to drown herself in the mere presence of him, "and I wasn't happy."

He couldn't help smiling a bit, stroking his finger across her cheek. "Why weren't you happy?" The question was soft and slow, as if he already knew the answer and was not merely relishing the fact that she knew it too.

"Because you were… a news reporter."

He laughed suddenly. "Really now?"

"Yes. And all the women in America were in love with you and you told some person on a talk show that you would be a bachelor forever because you had already found the one love of your life and wasn't willing to cheapen that by marrying someone else when you knew that the love of your life was still out there." 

Michael nodded. "It's true."

"I know. But in my "vision"… by the time I truly realized that I had made the worst mistake of my life, I was trapped in this sitcom perfect life that I realized I had no business being in. And I couldn't come back to you because… there were strings attached now. I had children…

"I know now that no matter where I go or who I meet, I will never be able to be the kind of happy I was when I am with you. It's not even remotely a contest because you truly _are_ the love of my life and I can't believe that it took me this long to find out.

"You were right all along. If I marry someone who is perfect in every way and his only flaw is that he _isn't _you and I still can't be happy… what other option do I have?"

A slow smile started to spread across her face. "I don't. There _is no other option. No matter how hard it is for us to maintain a relationship… it's worth everything just to be able to fall sleep in your arms and wake up next to you the next morning. I love you Michael."_

He couldn't speak and so he leaned down and kissed her again. "God Sydney… you have no idea the torture you put me through…"

She placed a finger against his lips. "No. I _do. Now hail a cab right now because I don't think I'll be able to last another minute without you and I don't want to have to attack you in front of an airport."_

"Really? Actually that sounds interesting…"

She laughed and shoved his shoulder lightly as he raised his arm to hail a taxi.

_So this was love._

As the taxi pulled up and he pulled her inside, he looked at her. "So all you want is the sex… are you sure it's me you love or the absence of "attached strings"?" His eyebrows wiggled, causing another burst of laughter before she suddenly stopped and leaned over to him.

"Actually there _are_ a couple strings…"

A confused expression took over his face. "What do you mean?"

She leaned closer so that her lips were mere inches from his ear before whispering to him, "In that vision, by the time I landed in Virginia… I was two months pregnant."

~_Fin~_

So? How was it? Like the little twist I put in there in the end for your imaginations? {dun dun duuuuunnnnnnn!}

S/V enough for you? (Was it too unrealistic or boring or any other bad thing because I am willing to rewrite… just say the word~)

Thank you so much for all of you who have been following this… I'm so happy that it has been so well received and am really sad now that it is over. 

Even though it's not like I have a shortage of other fics to work on ;)

-Jenn


End file.
